Lost on the Roman Road

My 33-Year Search for Peace

I was 12 years old when I earnestly began to think about God. It happened after I read some religious literature that someone had stuffed between books at the public library. Some of the booklets discussed sin and spoke of God's future return to earth to judge sinners.

That was a scary thought, since I knew that the fibs, occasional cheating, swiping things that didn't belong to me and mouthing off to my parents were all classified as sin. Worse yet, Ezekiel 18:4 told me that "...the soul that sins will die." It was clear that God wouldn't be holy if He compromised by allowing anyone contaminated with sin into His presence [Hab. 1:13], so I was uncomfortably aware that, as a sinner, I was heading toward Hell.

My response? I decided that I needed to solve my sin problem if I were to escape God's wrath. "It should be quite easy to obey God's commandments once I know what they are," I concluded. Was I mistaken! As I listed every commandment that I encountered in the Bible and added it to my "To Do List," I was frustrated to find that I couldn't get through even part of a day, let alone an ENTIRE day, without sinning in some way!

And the most impossible commandment of all was Deuteronomy 6:5! 'And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might." How could I ever love God with ALL my heart and ALL my soul and ALL my might as He commands?

With a sinking feeling in my heart, I knew deep down that I could never reach the perfection that God seemed to require of people; yet I felt that it was a sink-or-swim issue. After all, who wants to face an angry God when he dies? So I kept looking for peace but, although many people now considered me to be a serious, devout person, I felt that the chasm between God and me had only widened.

When I was in my late teens, I began to attend a local church with my family. My Sunday School teacher, Mrs. J., told me that all I had to do to be saved was to confess that I was a sinner, believe that Jesus died on the cross for my sin, and ask Jesus into my heart. Admiring her own bright assurance of salvation, one day I agreed to meet with her after the Sunday evening service to discuss my concern about my soul. That Sunday night, in spite of my intense desire for peace, I found myself opposing the pressure to be saved. But she was persistent. She pursued a series of verses known as the "Roman Road," ~and when she reached Romans 10:13, the last verse in the series, she urged me to ask Jesus to come into my heart. At first I resisted but, with tears of embarrassment for displaying such uncharacteristic defiance, I finally knelt beside her and followed her in prayer.

At that point Mrs. J. joyfully hugged me, pronounced me "saved" and told me to tell everyone I knew about what I had done. But within two days I was filled with doubts. Did I repent ENOUGH? Did I say the right words in my prayer? Did I REALLY mean what I prayed?

When I confessed these doubts to Mrs. J., she warned me, "The devil is just trying to ruin your joy and confidence. Write last Sunday's date in your Bible and, whenever you have doubts, just remember what you did that night." Then she urged me to go forward at the next altar call as my public profession of faith, and be baptized at the first opportunity. I did. But my old concerns about my soul were still there. I lacked peace more than ever.

In case I had omitted a critical phrase in my prayer for salvation, I prayed the suggested prayers that I saw in Christian books and tracts. I read dozens of Christian pamphlets and signed on their dotted lines to supposedly receive salvation, but the inescapable, gnawing feeling that I was lost persisted. And, indeed, I WAS lost.

Years passed, then decades. Finally, one day in 1989 when I was randomly flipping through my Bible looking for something interesting to read, I glanced at the last few verses of Isaiah 52. Strange verses, yet compelling. I continued into Isaiah 53, but I was suddenly transfixed by verses 5 and 6.

"But he was pierced through for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the chastening for our well being fell upon Him, and by His scourging we are healed. All of us like sheep have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; but the Lord has caused the iniquity of us all to fall on Him."

I had read those words on other occasions, but now they made sense! I knew at once that the chapter was speaking of the punishment that Jesus bore on the cross for my sins. Whippings that I deserved had ripped HIS back instead of mine. He was beaten and bruised for MY sin. The punishment that He willingly endured made it possible for me to have peace with God rather than the Hell that I deserved.

At last the puzzle pieces were coming together. I knew that a fair and holy God couldn't punish both Jesus AND me for my sin, so in one flash of understanding, God gave me eternal peace that is based on what JESUS did, rather than on anything I did. My abracadabra prayer that I said with my Sunday School teacher had been as false as if I had recited a magical incantation, and that is why it never gave me peace. I was basing salvation on ME - my prayer, my tears, my feelings, my walk up the aisle, my baptism - ME, ME, ME. Now I saw that salvation depends on trusting what JESUS did.

The Basis for Assurance

God will never share the credit for salvation with anyone but Jesus. My part was simply to believe that He paid my debt, and to trust that God will be faithful to His promises. [Heb. 11:6] It had taken me over thirty-three years to believe this simple truth. Indescribable peace!

My great concern is for you, dear reader. Are you trusting something that YOU did on a certain date, instead of what HE did on that day in history? Are you trusting YOUR walk up an aisle, or are you trusting HIS walk to the cross and His death there on your behalf? If you are trusting anything except the precious blood of Jesus, you are on the wrong road, and persistent doubt is a tale-tale sign of this misplaced focus. [John 14:27; Phil. 4:7; 1 John 5:10-13]

Believing that God simply washes away sins in response to a prayer bypasses the cross and the purpose of Jesus' death. A God of justice and holiness cannot dismiss sin until the penalty for sin has been fully paid. But, because all sinners are spiritually dead, they are incapable of paying their own debt. [Eph. 2:1-5] For this reason Jesus willingly stood in the place of sinners and took the punishment for their sin. Nothing is left for us to do except believe.

"But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8

God can righteously accept sinners who place their faith in Jesus' death in their behalf, because He has already poured out His wrath on His own Son, as if Jesus, Himself, had committed those sins! Jesus' victorious shout, IT IS FINISHED! declared that He had completed the Plan of Redemption whereby sinners could be saved by simply trusting in His work on the cross. [John 14:6]

How can we be sure that God was satisfied with Jesus' death on our behalf? God raised Him from the dead - something He would not have done if any trace of sin remained on Him. And, praise God, nothing can ever undo what Jesus accomplished! That alone is the basis of an unshakable faith and lasting peace!

"For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast." Eph. 2:8, 9

Although good works can never obtain salvation, salvation always changes a believer's life and produces increasing godliness. A true believer will never abandon the faith. [Rom. 8:29-30; Matt. 7:17-23; 1 John 2:19]

*All Bible texts are quoted from the New American Standard Bible.

IT IS FINISHED

"It is finished!" Blessed statement!
Nothing left for me to do;
Jesus' blood alone provided
Full atonement, life anew

"It is finished!" God revealed it;
Nevermore His wrath to face;
Indwelt now by God's own Spirit;
His alone by sovereign grace

"It is finished!" Love's expression,
In the Son's triumphant shout,
Now, by grace there is acceptance;
In His blood no cause to doubt

"It is finished!" Wondrous statement!
Triumph over guilt and sin
And the birth of life eternal;
Promise of new hope within

It is finished! Blessed utterance
Of the Victor's dying breath;
Through His blood the Son has conquered
Satan, sin, corruption, death

It is finished! My assurance!
Satan's charges cannot stand;
Jesus made eternal payment,
Satisfying God's demand

It is finished! Final victory!
Words that crushed the serpent's head;
Perfect justice, this assuring
Resurrection from the dead.

- YAH.